9 months ago

The Hobbit was first published in 1937, by J.R.R. Tolkien and is being rewritten by @WRITER43 exclusively for the community as a work of fiction. The book contains 19 chapters, and following the introductory chapter, the rest of the chapters will be paired in a series for a total of 10 posts. All characters, incidents, places, and names are products of actual community members, J.R.R. Tolkien, and @WRITER43's baked imagination.

Certain community members from the LOTR series have been replaced due to them showing a lack of interest in being a part of the community's quest while others have been given a new character. Any similarities to locales and events are entirely fictitious and for purposes only.

This book is dedicated to @HerbnCrypto's family.




Roast Mutton

@Bundo Baggins wakes up to discover that the wake-n-bake happened without him, and the dwarves took his remaining @cannabis and left without him. @Elliot shows up and gives him a note from the dwarves, agreeing to share one-fourteenth of the bounty if he goes with them to reclaim their treasure. @Bundo runs from Bag End to meet the dwarves, forgetting his favorite long pipe.

@Bundo, "I can't believe the dwarves took all of my weed, and I missed the fucking wake-n-bake!"

@Bundo finally meets up with the dwarves who are loading ponies with provisions and his remaining burlap bags of finely-cured @cannabis. @Elliot soon accompanies them. They set off through friendly hobbit-lands; however, the community's quest becomes miserable by the end of May as they ride into the uninhabited lands of @Rawpride.

Riding in the pouring rain, @Bundo closes his eyes and wishes he was back home. @Elliot disappears, and the pony loaded with the @cannabis takes off, leaving them with little weed.

@Bundo, "You can have all you can eat if you take my @cannabis home."

The pissed off group is trying to scrape their pipes and make camp in the wet forest of @Rawpride when they see a light and send @Bundo to investigate. He discovers three ugly trolls: @DaveDickeyyall, @Oliverekefre, and @PotSpoon sitting around a fire, whittling a morning bowl, roasting mutton and complaining about not having any meat to eat.

@DaveDickeyyall, "The next time you use my morning bowl for kindling, you can make your own!"

@Oliverekefre, "What the fuck is roast mutton without any meat!"

@PotSpoon, "Tastes pretty slamming to me."

@Bundo is trying to be a slick burglar and is caught trying to steal a spoon from @PotSpoon's pocket. The trolls break out into an argument about what to do with the thief and are quarreling among themselves when @Stoner enters their camp.

They grab him and force him into a sack, and when the rest of the dwarves enter their campsite, they're captured as well and put into a sack along with @Stoner. @Bundo manages to escape during the confusion and hides in a bush top as @Oliverekefre gets the rotisserie ready for the first unlucky dwarf.

@Alibi, "The name is @Alibi you fat swine!"

@Oliverekefre, "Keep running your mouth chubby dwarf, and I'll roast you first!

@Elliot returns and tricks the big, dumb trolls into staying out past the morning dawn, and the trolls are turned to stone because they must be underground when the sun rises in Middle @Cannabis Earth. @Elliot and @Bundo free the dwarves. They discover the troll's secret cave and find lots of food, wine, weapons, clothes, gold coins, and crates of @cannabis. They enjoy a good meal, drink, smoke sesh, and party hard into the night.

@Alibi, "Look who's roasting your @cannabis and drinking your wine now - you fat swine!"

The following dawn, they load their ponies and decide to bury the gold coins for safekeeping and ride east. @Elliot tells @HerbnCrypto that he went to scout ahead of the group when he discovered from his connections in @Garden-Works that there are trolls in the area who are known to roast travelers, so he went back to save them from certain death.

He smokes a magic spliff and warns @HerbnCrypto to be careful because next time they could end up being roast mutton as he laughs his balls off and heads back out to scout ahead of the group.


A Short Rest

@Bundo and the dwarves can see the Misty Mountains in their sights as they sense danger, and @Bundo wishes once again that he was home. @Elliot approaches them and warns them that they are heading into a perilous countryside. He tells them of his friend Lord @Ufaz in the lands of @Garden-Works.


The journey is difficult; however, they finally come to the valley of @Garden-Works and are greeted by stoned and singing elves. @Bundo loves elves, but elves and dwarves are longtime enemies. @Bundo's companions refuse the elves' invitation to a feast and power smoke sesh. Instead, they drink the troll's wine and get totally wasted on their own.

The group arrives at the house of Lord @Ufaz, a hospitable and wise elf. The @cannabis from the lands of @Garden-Works proves to be superior, and the group stays for fourteen days and nights, smoking high-powered elven @cannabis, drinking wine, eating, singing, and telling stories.

Lord @Ufaz identifies their swords from the wars of @Artisto or @AdrianSky and translates their ruins: @Elliot's sword is @Maxstrell and @HerbnCrypto's is @Gallahad.

Lord @Ufaz, "Yes, I know those swords quite well."

Lord @Ufaz also tells them about the moon-letters on @HerbnCrypto's map. He describes the letter like ruins that are only visible under the same moon in which they were written. It tells the reader to stand by a certain stone, and when the sun sets on Durin's Day, it will shine on a key-hole. @HerbnCrypto, Durin's heir, informs the group that Durin's Day marks the first day of dwarves' New Year.

@HerbnCrypto, "Durin's Day is when the dwarves' New Year starts."

The next dawn, the group enjoys one last wake-n-bake with the elves who are now their friends and leave in search for the Misty Mountains and beyond.


If you missed part one of The Hobbit, you can get caught up to speed by clicking the link below.

Part 1


Please stay tuned for chapter 4, Over and Under a Hill and chapter 5, Riddles in the Dark.


#TheHobbit #Cannabis #StayMedicated

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Awesome Work / The best writing skills / Thanks
Did you read The Immortal Stoned Biker ! I am really so sad as he passed away early Friday morning.


I did and thank you. Yes, it is unfortunate.

Good job, I liked it.


Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!