With the holiday season looming just around the corner, it only seemed right to get high with Santa Claus and find out who’s been naughty or nice this year.
So, I loaded up my 1964 Woody Ford Model II sleigh and my band of misfit reindeer and headed to the North Pole.
After some power steering issues, a huge-ass snowstorm, and a stop in Anchorage for some weed, we finally made it!
When I met Saint Nick, he told me the pot brownies I left him last year put him 2hrs behind schedule.
I thought he was mad at first, but then he passed me a blunt. Then he took me into his grow room and I met Mrs.Claus for the first time (I hope I don’t make the naughty list for saying this), she’s not your average grandmother, she’s a total GMILF!
After I packed my hookah with a nug of Alaskan Thunderfuck and got ripped with Saint Nick and Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (who doesn’t need a Bic to light the wick by the way his nose is a lot brighter in person), I asked Santa who is on the top 10 of his naughty or nice list for this year’s Celebrity Cannabis Christmas.
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Santa Claus reached in his coat pocket and handed me his top 10 naughty or nice list for 2018. I was shocked at his hand-written notes next to the names. This is what the naughty or nice list said:
Santa’s Top 10 Naughty List
1. Snopp Dogg | No appreciation for the platinum medical marijuana card I gave him last year.
2. Charlie Sheen | Can’t leave the cocaine and escorts alone or Mrs. Claus for that matter, she had to block him on smoke.io.
3. Miley Cyrus | Smoked some weed and had a threesome with Adam Levine and Blake Shelton.
4. Cameron Diaz | Bought some “white girl weed” from Snoop Dogg when I told her mine was better?
5. Justin Bieber | Feels bad about getting busted smoking weed? Grow up kid and Love Yourself.
6. Bill Clinton | Still claims he didn’t inhale cannabis but asked for some Lewinsky Kush this year?
7. Ricky Williams | Stole my idea for Santa’s Real Wellness and changed it into Real Wellness by Ricky Williams?
8. Wiz Khalifa | Took the Claus Kush OG I gave him last year and changed the name to Khalifa Kush?
9. Lady Gaga | Did a 60-Minute interview with Anderson Cooper and never mentioned the CannaCanes I gave her?
10. Bill Maher | Said one too many bad Santa jokes on TV, let’s get Real Time with Santa, bitches.
Santa’s Top 10 Nice List
1. Willie Nelson | Uses the Bio-fuel I gave him last year to run his new grow room and his Apple Cannacider is fire.
2. Rihanna | Showed off the sexy black lingerie in her Instagram post I gave her last year. Bad girl, but damn she’s nice.
3. Jennifer Lawrence | Smoked some weed before the Oscars and there’s no Hunger Games at her house.
4. Whoopi Goldberg | Great spiritual adviser and leaves cannabutter for my reindeer.
5. Morgan Freeman | The grandfather of Ganja and Rudolph really likes his concentrate reindeer snacks.
6. Woody Harrelson | Doing a great job at the National Organization for Reform of Marijuana Laws.
7. Matthew McConaughey | Left me a plate of alien cannabis from his Interstellar expedition.
8. Melissa Etheridge | Got busted at the Canadian/US border with cannabis oil and a vape pen after leaving my crib, and she didn’t rat me out.
9. Seth Rogan | Used my fruity strain Pineapple Express and made a movie out of it.
10. Bella Thorne | Best cannabis kitchen I ever saw. Note to self: Don’t eat the hard candy until you get home.
I handed Santa Claus the naughty and nice list back to him and thanked him for his time. It took a few minutes to round up my stoned reindeer, and before I left he asked me when the North Pole would make it on Weedmaps
I turned around and with my last bit of energy I told him... Fuck Weedmaps, we on Smoke.io now!