It likely won't be much longer

10 days ago

My godmother is an amazing eccentric woman

She is very loving and encouraging, has a masters in English. She taught me to read. Because of her taking me to see a symphony orchestra I begged my parents for a flute daily for 2 years till they gave in. She is also maddening at times as she is stubborn. But this past week things has worsened for her and they can't do anything else for her. So yesterday I placed her in hospice care.

I am sitting outside

Smoking a joint thinking about how much I love this crazy crazy woman. Cause seriously I am finding out she might have some mental issues that developed (she was hoarding trash in her apartment, like she washed and organized it, maybe the cancer was affecting her brain more than we knew we threw away 19 bags of emptry food trash today). I love her, wish i could take this away and make her better, I am overwhelmed and am very thankful I have Mary Jane to help me through this.
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I have been taking her my candy

She asked for Marijuana Candy so she is getting marijuana candy. She is in a nursing home getting hospice care. I get to go every day to visit her for compassionate care visits as her POA so daily I have been taking her candy and having her eat it when I am there. I am not leaving it there cause you know the legality of it all. But I am mot going to deny a dying woman of one of her last requests .

I am moving her out of her apartment this week

Today was spent packing and throwing away 19 bags of trash. I was seriously shocked to see what I did, but the cancer had already spread throughout her body when found it so she may have been suffering weird side effect from it. I spend hours with her daily, then work on my business. I learned today I may have to start selling off her stuff before she dies because the nursing home is about to take all her money each month but $52. Her storage units run $200 a month. I wanted to wait till she passes as it feels like an invasion of privacy. I also haven't told her that I have to move her out of her apartment yet. I don't want to upset her.

My witness being down is also weighing on my mind

I want to get it back up. But for me it is slower because I am rusty af with coding and I have only ever had one issue with my witness in the past so when you are not in the code every day it is slow moving. And to be honest I feel like every time I start it, something bad happens to my godmother and I have to rush to the ER or nursing home. So I am afraid to even try to start on it when I do have a couple of hours to work on it occasionally and have opted to just relax with my husband because everytime I do something happens to her and I need down time. This is exhausting taking care of someone dying of cancer. And this weekend my friend asked my husband and I if he doesn't respond to his chemo if he could do hospice with us. I couldn't say no, but I am very overwhelmed and am praying he responds to the chemotherapy or that I somehow get the money to pay for his RSO treatment.

Till next time stoners

Puff puff pass and god doesn't give us more than we can handle right?

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#cancersucks
#fuckcancer
#smoking
#update



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one night I was going to pick up my buddy Yorges for "rap night" when i got there i called him, he said sorry man but just go without me. he wasnt feeling well. I was like ill just come up and we can chill. 5 weeks later he was gone. to this day im ao glad that i chose to cancel the bull shit and spent that time just talking with my homie, which now isnt possible.

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that is partly why it is what it is with my witness I feel bad but she is more important than tech, all my people are more important than tech. Thank you for sharing your story, it helps me know regardless if people including me are annoyed my witness is down, that my people are still more important.