I do not support usage of psychotropic substances by ignorant people, same as I would not support gun usage among children; people that do not know what are the risks they are taking, that have no knowledge on this subject whatsoever. If you plan on experimenting first thing you need to do is to educate yourself to avoid unnecessary physical or mental death.
Difference between medicine and toxin is in dosage! ALWAYS KNOW YOUR DOSE!
Some things from this text might seem funny or ridiculous to you, but trust me, when you experience it first person it is not a joke or a childish game. Personally, I think of myself as experienced psychonaut , will not go into details what I have tried and how much, but I will tell you one thing. Most alphabetic letters and three-digit numbers(only not DMT and Salvia) and I have never had visuals like seeing aliens, dragons or bears, shit like that. That is pure over exaggerating. Things might seem like that, might remind you of shapes, but you do not see them as visual hallucinations. Psilocybin, Psilocin and LSD act as a shifter, fractal machine or kaleidoscope of reality. Nevertheless, even that shit is fun. More you stare, more you get lost. That is why they call it “trip”. More you don’t blink or lose focus further you dive into fractals.
Now that the educational part is over let us get to the story.
Let’s go back in time a bit, I already done this, trust me. We need to go 10 years back, beginning of 2009, winter almost ending, few black and brown colored, dirty snow mixed with the filth of a million people city; shitty country 15 years after war, slowly picking up trends that are almost dying out elsewhere. Few enthusiasts are running some new shit. It is called psytrance and the best kind is dark one. Marin played it for the first time to me and sounds really interesting. Electronically modified version of death metal.
“Fucking dark psytrance in squat! I will pack my shit and will be there in about 4 to 5 hours; at your place. Hate driving in train, 3 and a half hour for 200 km. But at least it’s free if you know how to do it.” I heard him saying over the other side of the phone as I said “see ya” and hanged up. That fucker gets away with a lot of shit. How can he have balls to go to fucking Amsterdam to pick 6000 blotter sheets of Hofmann? “Oh, I’ll get our hometown (100k people) high on acid and hooked up on trance” he always said. He even managed to do it. It is the new stuff and everybody loves it. But for what cost? Two years in prison, screw that. If you ask him was it worth, he is going to say it was, for sure. If around this year, 2009 you tried acid in our town or went to trance you can be sure he had his finger in this; the thing is if he was there so was I.
I know you have them, are we gonna have enough I asked him while we were drinking beer in some small park and smoking a spliff. He was complaining about train drive while I was about the weather. “This is great feeling to enjoy; only if it weren't that cold and frosty, if it was summer. But, at least our beer is cold and I can’t get to high or drunk when it is cold outside. Do you know who is playing tonig…” Sound of plastic bag interrupted me and I saw him counting them small squares. “Time for dinner… I will go for double, boom in the head” he said and placed two small sour pieces of paper under his tongue. “Fuck it, let us do it”…Have taken more than 200 mics before. “They are 100 each, right?” He just nodded and sucked that dead trees soaked with acid. One more and we go inside, it is almost 9 o’clock and we've been here for more than 1 hour; squat is here 5 minute walk, so we finish this beer and a spliff and go dance our asses. Didn't bring much as it is squat and you know, police; just two grams to get us through the night. We already finished almost one just for the warm-up.”
When we came inside squat, party was in the atomic basement. The smell of alcohol from “who knows when” spilled over the floor, dried for ages and then mixed with scents of the sticks and burning Palo Santo tree. Seductive, especially with all the sweat from over-clothed people that don’t want to freeze outside. Basement can fit like 100 people maximum, 20x10m with sound system around 2kw, decorations and lasers, all this UV blacklight shit that goes with it. Trust me, if someone came in straight as railway tracks, just the atmosphere, smell and visuals inside would get him high. It is not over packed, maybe 40 people; these things are still new, this music.
Oh, the ” b-r-r-r-r-r” of base line inside chests and high pitched sounds, distorted voices. That’s it…that’s the feeling I like, resonance. That is why I like psytrance, especially dark or hi-tech.[PLEASE , PLAY ME AND RESUME WITH THE STORY]
Now for some moving, let’s dance and exhale that negative energy. Oh SHIT, I can feel it, my back are starting to hurt. That is it. Tingles in spine. My hands are like wet and soft. Look at them. M-m-m…need water, not beer. Let me just show to this guy; acting with my fingers like I drink; he just smiles and passes me a bottle.Great dude. love all this vibe, positivity. When people have similar interests and same things make them happy.. Hope nothing is inside the water, that he did not dose himself in water. He would not do that. Who gives drugs for free? . A bit of liquid acid would be nice. Gave him back bottle and resume my mission on a dance floor. The time, it is one thing that I know nothing about. I have no idea and I don’t care. Where the fuck is Marin, forgot he was with me all along. Don’t care as well. I’ll go at other end of the room opposite of the DJ, find best acoustic spot and just stare at lasers. As I was gazing, someone just touched me on the shoulder and said are you ok. It was like a violent wake from a dream, unpleasant but keeps me focused. I like the way he thinks. I just snapped out form it and said "yeah man, you want to go out for a smoke"; it was bastard.
As we were going through hallway shit got ugly. People started to look at me, stare at me, like I have a dick written on my fucking forehead. What the hell. Everyone I pass looks at me, do I look OK? He said just yes. He doesn't like to talk too much when acid is taking him over like his mouths are numb from all the Hofmann’s products he ate, plus god knows what as well. We need to get out of this shithole. Come with me. Grabbed him and went straight out on the cold. Still they look at me like I gave them harpies. Paranoia is starting to kick in, I am getting cold inside, feeling of suspicion.
Hate this transition from one place to another, always makes me like a 6 year old kid that lost his parents. Where to turn, what I need? Fuck this complex as well, let’s go to park and smoke one. I have water. He just followed me without saying anything. I am starting to feel like he has something to tell me, but he is hiding it from me. So we sit and start to chat a bit. I rolled while he was saying something that he wants to go back; it is too early to go home; as he was saying those words he reached for his pocket like he is going to pull a gun out and then I heard that familiar sound of plastic bag. “I will refill myself, what about you?” That words, huh, I’ve heard them so many times and almost always answered the same way. Yes, but…I take just one. He was splitting them I was finishing and lighting J, before going back. “You are OK, just the feeling. No one is watching you... Chill…we eat, go back and dance. Anyways you do not interact with most of the people.” Sad part is, he was right. We exchanged presents, he took puff, and I took bite. On the top of the tongue, work my way with tongue like with women, put the blotter under tongue and suck. This shit is too… Metallic sour taste, again. While I played with the paper I noticed the fucker is folded inside, he folded THREE pieces into one and gave me. When I looked at him he smiled, said “I took three as well” and passed me back spliff. I’m not going to spit it out for sure; it is not the first time I took this dose. Finish this shit and go. Cssss…familiar sound of the reefer thrown in snow.
As we stood up it just snapped, started coming up in waves. This is not the transition from the spaces; this is from the height, from squatting to standing. It started much sooner than I expected… to kick in... Is it going to be much stronger this time? He fucked me up. He is the bad influence, could be devil, like pulling me in. I just said “Marin, I go home”. The way he looked at me said he was concerned and said straight away ok. “Go this way, it is closer” I almost ordered him. “That is the opposite side we need to go, follow me”, turned around and started walking. I walked my own way and turned to him. He was calling me, telling me to come, that I am wrong. I felt like he is in a conspiracy with me, he says bad shit again. He wants to drag me to bad side. Why is he pushing me to go there? Screw him, I go my own way.
I’m tottering around thinking of nonsenses, vague and empty things. Look on the right, building. Texture is awesome, the way they did it. So harsh, I need to walk and grind my hand next to it, looks new and fresh. What is it? Look up and my feet froze, amputated. Phantom limbs. Legs separated from my torso; this time 5 year old me. “Police Station”. Fuck, the car is coming; they’re going to pick me up; it is over, got weed as well in my pocket. So, this is how death feels like…the car just passed, wasn’t pigs…Lucky, oh man…the car passed…yoo-hoo. Need to get rid of his weed and papers, fuck, going to throw tobacco, lighter, everything and come back tomorrow, I know this place well, living here for last 2 years.. Construction yard, perfect, just throw over the wall. Metal wall; it is so cold and lifeless. Would he feel better during the summer…home, yes…wave incoming…
I have no fucking clue where am I, it looks familiar but feels like déjà vu. I have great idea. If time is linear then if I spin fast enough in one side I might cause anomaly or turn back time.
I know my street goes up, to hill; this one goes to hill as well; therefore it must take me home. But it does not look familiar at all. Déjà vu feeling again. Everything is like repetitive, mirror. Could this be the mirror trip? I don’t want to get lost so I will just stay next to this house. It must be morning soon and the sun will come. Acid will wear off and I will know everything. Or at least, if it is mirror one I will have some time to think when I feel sober, before the next one. Am I going to move few steps and then stay, than move again? No; it is better to stay here and wait. Be a tree. Be like one of them, it is not that hard. They have been doing it for centuries. Ha, look, more that I look at them seems like they are breathing. So this is the trip, this is acid, what everyone has been telling me about, all them pictures…oh no…I should not try to think about what is it or try to understand it, I will just get confused. Do not try to understand it, just go with the flow. Don’t overthink, you took substance and it is messing with your bR-R-R-R...What the fuck is touching me..aaa…too loud…shh..oh..phone…Who is calling me, what…the screen looks so unreal, like HD but flashy…and the letters, melting…Yes..”Hey man, where are you” said my roommate, I recognise his voice. Might be I am getting sober. Huh, I don’t know, street, standing somewhere. “Marin called us said you went somewhere. Can you read street name or something? We will come for you.” Comforting words. Love them. Let me see, yes. “Street of Bridge” says on the board. “Stay there, we come in 15 minutes, you are close.” I knew it, I knew I was on the right way. Just to put my phone in pocket, maybe if I sit somewhere…hey there you are guys…what the hell. It took you like 10 seconds. Why are you smiling at me? They said: “Let’s go home, Marin is there as well. He came like 20 minutes ago. Are you all right?” Fuck yeah, he gave me some shitty weak acid, let’s go eat more.
As we were walking I feel almost like this is a death-land, zombie-land…fog everywhere…so bright from snow and moon…smell of gas…so uncomfortable. I want to get home, light one up, play music and chill the fuck up till I crash. Maybe eat one downer. This was nice experience. I will not do it again for sure, at least not in some close time. For now just the bed and some dub or chill-out, smoke…I was joking about refilling, fuck Marin he pulled me into this, it is his fault. Oh, the room…look at it, it is breathing too. Seriously? More? This must be just aftertaste. But now I can hear the room breathing, when I pause the music, really heavy…It is wearing off again, sober…stupid dumbass, that is the window opened. That is why it is so cold.
Smoke ON, Stress OFF!
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