The birth of PotSpoon came after my boyfriend sent me this Fox News bullshit meme :
1️⃣ week since I have been on SMOKE.IO and I’ve fallen hard...
I have a lot to learn and catch up on, and can’t say thank you enough for the support and direction I’ve gotten! I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this!!
I am a medical marijuana card holder and am specifically advocating for the use of marijuana in the behavioral health care system in the state of DE. I fully support the legalization of marijuana but I also believe in the responsible use of marijuana from persons and professionals. While the research is still minimal, they have published information that is not even considered “empirically based” yet, and therefore, traditional medications and behavioral interventions are relied on.
I obtained my medical marijuana card during a scary time in my life after 6 years “clean” and as a felon. While addiction and menace to society hadn’t really applied to me in some time, I still felt like I needed some more resources. I just want people like me to not feel like me. Here is my story.
Educate not regulate.
Today at work...
This picture was taken by a coworker after a joke as an attempt to end yet another tireless rant of mine...
I work in the behavioral health system. I am in recovery from a severe substance use disorder for over 7 years, and I’m fed the fuck up!!
What’s severe substance use disorder?
—IV drug use
I spent over 18 mos of my life being “programmed” and refrained from all mind altering substance for over 6 years working a program of abstinence.
All the miraculous happenings typically shared in recovery stories happened to me, but life also continued and my mind and body changed. I needed some additional support for my physical and mental but was stuck in a program where I believed if I used a mind altering drugs again I would eventually “pay the ultimately price” and I would die. In spirit first, but then very literally.
I was faced with some decisions though and the professional help I sought did not do much. I underwent surgery for my knees and then they start offering opiates. I went to therapy for my mind and then they started offering me SSRIs and mood stabilizers. I, unfortunately, had scared the shit out of my family so many times—I just could think outside the box with them. And my social circle was built of all “recovering addicts” committed to NA/AA principles.
I took a chance. It was mine. It was personal. And I am lucky. I started smoking weed. I didn’t tell anyone...And I felt alone.
Professionally-I spent the last THREE YEARS working at a methadone clinic. Once in a leadership position, I fiercely advocated for behavioral healthcare professionals to educate themselves on less harmful approaches to treatment. I wrote sooooo so so so many proposals and calls to action. At the clinic I had DIRECT CONTACT with over 70 clients a day. We completed medical marijuana applications and worked smoking weed into treatment plans...off the record. People got off dope. People got off methadone.
The injustices when treating addiction are endless, but what was most frustrating to me was that Individuals who stayed on methadone even when clean off heroin or cocaine for 10+ years were not eligible for any additional privileges if they gave us marijuana positive drug screen results. Individuals who continued using heroin and cocaine could continue getting methadone for up to 2 years.
Honestly, I can’t even begin to get into all that’s wrong...
I thought there was some hope when the medical director responded to my last request—to remove marijuana from the testing panel as there were no federally regulated laws demanding marijuana be tested for in legalized states. But no go. He responded that as long as marijuana was federally regulated he would remain a dickless, spineless, GREEDY MEDICAL DIRECTOR of the largest medication assisted program in my fucking state!!!!!!
GREED IS REAL
So I quit that job. It was heartbreaking cuz the people...but I quit because what I learned was that I was part of a sick system responsible for helping some of the SICKEST individuals. I needed to learn more. I switched from non profit outpatient to a for profit psychiatric inpatient and I’ll just go ahead and refer back to the picture taken today...during a rant... because of another corrupt organization. There is no concept of quality of care or harm reduction or comprehensive treatment or care coordination or continuum of care. Gabepentin, cymbalta, seroquel, vraylar, Zoloft...are amongst the MOST prescribed medications. Please know that I fully support the use of these medications when needed but I DON’T BELIEVE IN COOKIE CUTTER MEDICATION REGIMENS.
To make it even a little more personal—The medical director at my new job, in fact, prescribed one of my truest loves in life a new SSRI that had extremely adverse side effects. It took over 6 mos for him to feel himself again and weed saved him after he refused to smoke it for a little...
What keeps me going? I joined a private practice about 2 mos ago and have slowly but surely been able to build a resource for individuals seeking alternative approaches to recovery.
For me, just trying to be an ant in my anthill of life—This is a start and that is enough.
Almost 2 years since being re-introduced to the love and power of cannabis I am thriving! I have gained confidence and a more complete concept of myself. I went through ups and downs of using too much weed and then depriving myself. And really having to explore the differences between use and abuse as it applies to myself and myself alone.
The war on drugs is an internal one. Mindfulness is key for me.
Thanks to all who read! I’m looking forward to growing together!
Peace, love, no hard drugs.