Smoking on some Matanuska Thunder Fuck through the Zach P. beaker bong. It's a light-hearted Sativa that can bring some of the best mood lifting effects with an aromatic pine-earth-citrus-fresh/cold flavor.
A much needed attitude adjustment as I'm thinking back painfully on a beautiful little bubble that popped.
By now it's very likely that most people have heard about Cannabis' ability to help with physical pain.
A little lesser advertised benefit from cannabis though, is that it can help cope with mental pain. I have personally used this therapeutic method - many times - to ease my mind through painful processes.
Just like with physical pain, cannabis is not a cure for mental anguish. Contrary to popular belief (and hip hop songs) - It's not as easy to "get your mind right" just by lighting up but, believe me when I say, it helps find a calming peace that unravels your own genuine path towards mental healing.
(Very) Personal Experience
I'm going to share with you a series of writings and poems put together in the midst of spiraling down a dark time in my life.
Doing this, along with much increased cannabis dosing helped me journey through the pain of losing our first child before birth.
How do you miss someone
Who never got to be,
Or envision a face
You never got to see?
How do you mourn the death
Of one who never got to live.
When there's nothing to feel good about
And there's nothing to forgive.
I never got to hold you,
Or bounce you on my lap.
I never got to read to you,
Or watch over as you nap.
You slipped away so quickly,
Before we said your name.
But I want the world to know,
I loved you just the same.
You never said I'm leaving,
You never said goodbye.
You were gone before I knew it,
And I'll never find out why.
A million times I've needed you,
A million times I've cried.
If love alone would save you,
You never would have died
We began to love you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place
Noone could ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you didn't go alone.
Part of us went with you,
When the Angels took you home.
It can be very difficult
To be a Man in grief.
Since "Men don't cry",
And "Men stay strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It can be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
Taking on more daily stress
So she can get some rest.
Some people ask if she's alright,
Or what she's going through.
But noone looks to him to ask
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
And feels his heart might break
He dries her tears and comforts her,
To "stay strong" for her sake.
But it can be very difficult
To start each day a new
And try so hard to remain brave
He lost his baby too.
Somebody said it was all for the best,
That somebody was probably wrong.
Somebody said it was meant to be,
Different verse - same miserable song.
Somebody said, "You can have another!"
As if that would make it alright.
Somebody said, "It wasn't yet a child",
Somebody's not very bright...
Somebody thinks it is helpful,
To tell me when grieving should end.
Somebody shows their true colors.
Somebody isn't a friend.
But somebody said "I love you".
And sat quietly by my side.
That somebody shared my sorrow
And held me up when I cried.
That somebody always listened,
And called our baby by name.
I hope that somebody understands,
That I'll never be the same.
We didn't have a name picked as we were keeping the gender a surprise for one of those cheesy gender reveal parties. I called him Bubble, and my wife called her Peanut.
An unfinished tattoo concept I started drawing to commemorate our loss. Asymmetry was only one of a few reasons I didn't go through with it.
The nursery we had
started to build almost finished.
Paraphrased and strung together writings from: Unknown Author, Unknown Author, Tomisha Michelle Marrie Rowe, Unknown Author, Unknown Author, Unknown Author
I think doing this helped me say goodbye, when we never got the chance. We also wrote our own little letters.
Though it was a pivotal moment in the healing process to see these words, and write our own - it was mainly cannabis that came to the rescue on my darkest days. Now I should point out that it was the amazing support from my wife accompanied by a whole lot of time and effort that really got me through everything. That being said, when we were having a really rough day - regular cannabis dosing was able to make it more bearable. Not only that, but it helped allow me to think. It helped allow me to face, to embrace, to feel, to not feel and most of all... It helped allow me to live with the pain on a day to day basis. Doing regular-ass shit on a regular-ass day.
I'm sharing this information for a few reasons.
1.) I am trying to convey the power of cannabis' ability to help lift your spirits up, aswell as cope with thinky pain.
2.) This post may help someone else dealing with something similar.
3.) My anonymity on Smoke.io helps me share things I wouldn't otherwise feel like sharing.
Sorry for the sad-sack post.
It's been one year today since it happened. Just felt the need to get it all off my chest.
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And as always - Keep Smoking!