Will I Make It Through The Year...

in #life
7 months ago

Just checking in ...

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It’s been an interesting while ... couple projects got me distracted but have entire process documented for RSO coming up in 2 day 👍

Been eating a lot of Rice Krispies Squares made up with CannaButter. Quite pleased with the strength and effects relative to pain management. I wish I could smoke my weed and get the pain relief without the stone and laziness associated with it.

What I don’t enjoy is the constantly being a useless waist of skin. Which is playing upon my depressive tendencies. Between not being able to sit and being lost in euphoria even just this stupid post is a challenge 🤦‍♂️

I was in a tough spot last year this time ... moving into Covid progressively getting worse over time I am starting to wonder if I will make it to the new year.

Do I even want to make it to the New Year? I can imagine many will be leaving us this holiday season before the year ends...



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Have to try Rice Krispies Squares with CannaButter 😊😍
Hang on tight, 2021 will be better 💚

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Yea the Rice Krispies are good, quick and minimal smell 👌

As for the new year... I wish I could just flip a switch and get this holiday season broke af, laid up in bed, not allowed to visit even family over with ...

Cheer up bro this is all a temporary setback, years to come will get increasingly more epic!

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I sure do hope so but I fear the years that will come first ... need to work to pay bills but I’m going to wreck my body in doing so 🤷‍♂️ feels like all I have done is prolong being homeless after last years eviction for year while burning every last cent of savings I have.

@dook13 keep beleiving in yourself brother ....you make a real contribution on smoke.io. for example....

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Amen brother ... I have been getting premonitions that this year is going to end pretty rough. It’s not really myself I’m worried about though I lament about feeling useless.

Might just be the feelings but I feel like something is looming.

If you need a 💯 legit PlUG 🔌 for pills and buds 💨⛽️HMU🔌🔥🍁.
Snapchat: mark.jordan420
Wickr: markjordan420
Text/call: (330) 778-6814

I love to fuck with you and I think you're a fuckin dolt, but I do hope your mental health is alright. Depression and suicide are no joke and as much as I'd love for you to not exist in my world, that doesn't mean I don't want you to exist at all. I can only hope you're not talking about any form of serious self harm and if so, I can only hope that you do not do so. We have our major differences, but death is not something I think is fit for disliking someone. If you're feeling like you're going to hurt yourself or something or know someone who is or might, please, seek help. As much as I don't like you, I also don't hate you and I don't wish death upon you. Not truly.

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You have wished death upon me previously at that point you wrote yourself off as a human being in my eyes.

Much work to be done, words are meaningless.

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I may have "wished death" on you but I think more so it was aspects of your character that I wished would "die off." Regardless, it wasn't a good look to express it how I did. It's not necessarily a "return to compassion" as much as a return to leaving those I consider weaker willed because the actions and words of others affect them so much more than myself, alone. I just really didn't want to word it as such in an attempt to be considerate to a degree. Isn't that a part of it? Consideration in most forms doesn't truly make one "considerate" as a person, now does it tho? I get that you're from Canada and there it's mostly sunshine and rainbows as with the U.S., but the whole world isn't candy and presents and to think that you should ever try to tell someone how they should operate, in my mind, is a major no-no. I'll admit, now, due to self growth, that I allowed myself to lose myself a bit. I became more of a dick than a "tough fucking love" type builder. I started to tear shit down where it couldn't build back up fast enough. I made mistakes. I apologized and moving forward, I think my actions will more than make up for it because I have as much power to do great good, as I have to do any other thing.

I still may come off as a dick sometimes, but know that I'm trying not to. Part of my soul just doesn't settle well with the fact that I should be the one forced to adjust to another's opinion or thought process when they're so unwilling to do so for mine.

Remember, this all started over posting for ROI. Previous to that I did nothing different than what every other person here has done in one form or another; Self-voted from alternate accounts. The argument was in the way that I did it and in a place where people preach "code is law," they sure did not like how I was using that code. I wasn't "spammy" either so that argument goes right out the door. I posted the minimum to use my vote power each day, I just did it for a long time... and the impact was still minimal, as it was meant to be. It was more an experiment than anything because obviously I have stake hidden so it's not about the money, not truly. When code is law and you get harassed for following the law, based on personal beliefs of a person/group(s), how do you think you'd react? If in your mind you truly saw no issue in the logic in question? If you devoutly believed in the legitimacy, reasonableness, and right to do what you're doing?

The past is the past tho and I just want to leave you with that last little bit about what started this.

People say I need to consider the consequences of my actions but what about them? What would have happened had they let that account cluster go? Had they not triggered my rebuttal? Had they not assumed that it was a cluster voting out of need for money and one that had "no power" to do anything back? Sometimes I wonder if they realize that at the rate the darian cluster was growing, I'd only just now be earning roughly 4-6Smoke per collective upvote. The alternative option was to engage the cluster maliciously and...... well...... we can see where that's taken us. 2-6k smoke earned on the darian cluster by this point, if not fucked with, or this current state of affairs. When impact is minimal and it's not true "spam," spam being consistently posting every couple minutes or seconds - NOT one time every 2 hours, it should be considered that someone decided to make our place the home to earn, rather than somewhere else. Any true abuse that would majorly impact the community can be dealt with. Even what I've managed to make happen, which code is law so it was allowed, can be fixed quite simply. It's a simple data and formatting error and simple code can fix the entire issue. It's also not a blockchain issue to begin with no no forks are needed, it's a condenser issue. All that needs to be done is that needs to be adjusted and then no more ghost posting can happen and no more clearing of pages. It's a display issue, which should have been fixed on smoke.io's end a long time ago.

The real question is: Why are simple issues not being fixed effectively?

If my impact was so much as to drive this place to the ground as some would like to think, then how in the hell did a simple fucking display issue from the condenser side, let this happen? Adding "spam-accounts" to the code isn't actually legal to use just to silence someone you don't like. They have to be breaking laws or actually spamming and posting 12 times a day for an roi isn't "spam" by any legal means. Spam is when you are "spam"-med with shit repeatedly. Which all brings us back to the main issue here that is: Why are simple issues not being fixed effectively?

When the blockchain is not the issue, then it becomes the front-end's issue. Dook, if you're really trying to start a new project now that you've met your goal on stake here, could it be that you create a new front-end? The condenser is public and only needs minor adjustment. I'm sure you could figure out why things aren't displaying properly, given a little time. All I can say is that tags are the issue and how they choose to hide them, as well as how they're choosing to display the tiles. It seems that once a threshold is met of hidden posts, you cannot scroll because the most recent X amount of posts are not showing, causing the "No new posts to show" or whatever it says page. A simple adjustment to a few other things and you've got a fully, and better, functioning front-end.

Idk I'm just shooting the shit for a bit. I have some prior engagements and figured I'd toss some ideas out there. Covid has me bored more than ever as I have very little open/available to do. Having to find creative ways to still be fucking bored. This shit needs some serious, real, distributed cures/vaccines. Death has been heavy on my mind lately and I'm not trying to see any more of that shit for the rest of this year or the next. That's why you need to fucking hang in there too because as much as we've been at odds, I do have great respect for you. I think I've even told you while dis-respecting you. LOL. You have a great fire inside you that you refuse to let die and that's not something you find in everyone. People like you don't stay poor, if you ever start out/end up that way. That's all I know in life, is that people like you may find hardship but always come out on top. Don't give up, you've got shit coming to you, fucking swear to it! Just gotta keep your shit rolling and on your own path, you'll find the shit that really compensates you in the ways you didn't know you needed.

People talk about how money doesn't solve things, but how the fuck else do you solve your high blood pressure when you can't go meditate with Buddhist monks in a temple where you feel the Earth's energy flowing thru your body? Money is a construct and what that construct represents is freedom. The problem is that we live life as slaves to it, by design, because of our governments. When you tax life, it makes for a very dismal existence, across the board. It makes what shouldn't feel so incredible, because it should be experienced as a commonality among humanity, feel beyond that. I don't think a lot of things should be exclusive, because they are causing the mental and physical being of the masses to suffer, but due to capitalism who's breadth is now global....... the things that return you to yourself the most, are the most kept-away and fleeting. Money does not bring happiness, but it brings experiences. It brings freedom. You have freedom coming, lots of it LOL. These times of struggle are meant to test if you deserve it, in my mind. I don't think treasures and grand experiences were meant for the weak, maybe that's why the strongest thrive in this world. Problem is, we need more strong, who aren't interested in oppression, rather, freedom for all. When we can all feel the energies of the Earth because we can all afford to travel to the places where they reside, we may one day feel that inner peace and advance as a global society. Until then, we live in a world that we weren't asked to be born into, that we are indebted to live in, from birth. That debt carried burdensomely by our parents and passed down to us. Even when wealth is passed, that debt remains, passed to a new life. When your debt to life is eased, you feel like life is less of a debt. Sometimes life can feel so fucking taxing, but it's when you actually let it tax you, that you push the edge of existing. Stay a bit longer, if not only to see what this fucking asshole right here has in store for smoke next, whether anyone else has plans for it or not. ;-) (Hoping you'll have some desire to take up something here. Could be your potential to make that stake worth something incredible....... who knows.)

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Holy fuck get a life

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What's with the bitterness? Odd. Say some pretty uplifting shit for once and still met with bullshit it seems.

Have plenty of a life. Just hard to find enough to do when your intellect operates thirty-fold the average above-average intelligent person. You have no idea how hard it is to truly occupy my mind, because I have to multitask beyond belief just to reach a proportional capacity of use. Big brain problems. :-)

If you're still being bitter about the past then so be it, I can't change your mind. If I'm still offending, please, specify where. It wasn't intended to be as such. The fact that I had to respond to something 21 days later, as well, should explain to you that I've been busy with the life I have already. Very clear indicator. LOL

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Let’s start with respectful communication ... go research MR. BIG BRAIN 🤦‍♂️

Bitter no ... assume it’s to late yes

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I actually recently lost a friend of mine to suicide (Past 2 months.) and it's been shit. For the first time in maybe a long time I think I actually felt something painful and it shook me a bit in my core. You might even say it's given me a reason to return to compassion for this world, so here I begin, whether well received or not, asking you that if you are having a hard time that you seriously get help because losing another person no matter their beliefs/actions/etc, is the last thing we need this year or to begin the next year.

Look at 2021 like a reset button. A refresh. I'm going to be. 2021 is the year of possibility after seeing that we can endure a year of absolute hell in comparison to years past, as a race. 2021 is our chance to finally begin to fix the issues that have led us to everywhere we are as a people.

Don't give up yet. I'm sure the coming times will surprise you more than you could imagine. I'm beginning to be positive and optimistic for the first time in a long time, so you could say the tides are already shifting (Even if it's in the most minimal and meaningless of ways, from your perspective.) and change is afoot. Hold on a little bit longer.

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You should not need a reason to “return to compassion” in the first place but I wish you well on that venture.

Sorry for your loss, 3 years ago now something like that drove me to these platforms in search of a therapeutic outlet ... kinda coincidental that your need for an outlet has driven me away 🤔

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I'm not entirely sure whether I believe in coincidences in life. A large part of my heart and mind feel that we are living something of a design. Intricately laid before us, in plain sight, but invisible to our naked eyes. It could be that this place needed to be torn down, for both of us. Think of how else these issues would have impacted us had they come along later, when the entire community is even more invested. What if I was meant to tear this place down accidentally (I know it's hard to believe but I didn't intend to have as much of an impact as I did, initially.) so that it's flaws can be addressed, fixed, and we can feel more secure than ever in it's worth and ability? Idk, life's a fucking crazy shitfest, who knows what the hell's in store anymore. LOL

The real question here is would you be so driven away, if I wasn't able to impact this place as much? I've never really been the issue because every community has shitheads. What wasn't fixed and kept allowing me to do more than I should have, should have been fixed, simply. We have to question whether smoke.io would be willing to surrender the domain to a more capable team or not. Thus far, it seems they are lacking any actual dedicated development team/staff. That's the real issue here, not me. I mean, think about it, if I was just some powerless dick who could only talk shit, would I have mattered as much to as many people? I don't think so. Bernie and Haejin were both dumpster fires and look at how many people didn't get driven away at all by them. LOL.

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He who took action is the one to blame.

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Yes, and the ones who took action first, were the community members against me. I did not take the first malicious action. Your point only further validates my point. The blame here is shared tho. I retaliated, after being attacked maliciously for what I believe is ok. I don't have to believe what you people believe, yet you attempt to force me to do so, or "suffer consequences" as if you have a right. Well, you do. As do I, to retaliate. The blame here is shared because the one to blame isn't only the one or in this case ones who took action, it's on me as well for RE-acting. You can't react without an action first tho, hence it being called a REaction.

You're just ignoring the facts to try to justify your blame of me and it wasn't on me that it began. Don't twist reality to fit your narrative like so many do, see shit for what it was and move on. Don't stay wrapped up in bitter bullshit that isn't even accurate.

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You admit to taking first action by stating you were caught 🤦‍♂️

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"Caught" is the wrong word. Noticed.

Regardless, I was not doing anything malicious. I was attacked while doing peaceful if not positive actions. I'm not the first bad actor, the one who attacked a peaceful entity is. Get real and stop diverting blame.

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I was self voting and found by ACCIDENT by someone who understood enough code to dive deeper into the blockchain and happened to be on at the same time that the calls were being sent. They then decided that even tho it was in the dark, on a post a year old, not being spammed or put anywhere new people or members of the community would be bothered by it, that they would be MILITANT towards it. That is the origin of this story. That person, no idea who it even was tbh, was the first to throw flags out because they didn't agree with something obviously not negatively impacting the blockchain or platform in any major way and barely a minor one. They chose to ATTACK and be MALICIOUS toward a peaceful entity, the darian cluster. Don't get reality twisted, I didn't take action, I reacted. When the community wouldn't let up against me, I continued to REACT to them. They were arrogant and disrespectful toward me every step of the way, even when I initially extended olive branches and legit offered to full stop on that cluster. No one listened, just arrogance, rage, disrespect, and more flags hurled at me. Fuck that if you think I'm gonna just roll over like a bitch, not my style.

You're right. The ones who took action are to blame, not the one who reacted. Although I place blame on myself because my reactions were disproportionate. I decimated anyone who tried me, pounded their dicks in the dirt and pissed on their unconscious bodies. Even then, people saw the power I stumbled on and how strong it was and wouldn't shut the fuck up or stop berating me. The blame here should be entirely on them, but I should have known that stupid people just don't learn and not pushed it as hard. Lessons learned tho and it is what it is but don't misremember the past and act like I'm the cause of all of this. At most the blame is 50/50 and considering that fact, myself and the community need to move forward in a positive light for this place to succeed. If you're just gonna shit on me left and right still then I'll go back to my old ways in an instant. I'm genuinely putting in more effort than I ever have and am willing to put stock in this place again that will raise everyone's stake, so if you want to seriously keep it up because you're angry over a bitter past between myself and the community, it's not what I want anymore, but I will not hesitate to play ball once again and show everyone here why my name will never be forgotten by them when it comes to the smoke blockchain and anything relevant to it.

Face the facts about the past and let's just move forward. Sick of going over this and sick of seeing flags at this point, especially for no reason, when even if I'm naturally an asshole you can see I'm trying to not be and maybe it's just a bit lost on me, so shit, do you want a better smoke blockchain or not? Code changes won't stop me from doing anything I want to at any time, at least not at the cost of shutting down the entire signup process, so just quit the shit and let's get on with the future. I want smoke to be worth something measurable again. Don't you fucking miss the days of smoke being 0.5bts? I know many do, so I'd like to help us all get back there. I'm tryna stay positive, but fuck all if no one wants to play the positivity game with me. It doesn't have to be all shit and despair. It can be beautiful here.

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You have no idea about human relations do you ... I only keep unmuted for the sake of flagging this garbage!

I doubt anyone reads it except the only people that could potentially matter for saving this place. New users and this continual BS scares them away.

Yes I hold you accountable for having damaged the appearance of the platform for the very few that matter to me.

You destroyed the potential of this platform.. good luck building it back now everyone who cared has left because of your bullshit... there is a long list of users no longer posting because of you and even more that never signed up!