In the life of 11.5.19

in #life
7 months ago

Long time no see, everyone. ;P

I am writing this after a long while of contemplation and wondering if i am still worthy of this whole thing.

I was depressed about a certain potential health scare but I recently got news that I wasn't at risk of.

I had been debating whether or not to give up on this, however, as we speak I see the impact of the intensity of this issue and the overall capsule of time. I found myself retreating from posting anything anywhere(save aside a selfie on IG recently) and giving up on a lot of things...along with the connect being dry from the good stuff. My partner was still getting reggie but I surprisingly had no motivation to even vape for that period of about a month. I have been unmotivated in finding a job so after sending my son to school I would just sleep...basically until an hour or so before I had to pick him up.

As we got the good stuff in about two weeks ago, I began to indulge into vaping again, but not as often as I used to.

I made the cannatea yesterday after having not made it for a good two months and boy was I in for a paranoia ride in my head! I have been re-watching a Korean historical drama(let's just say that it's pretty violent and brutal) that I had on my hard drive for about 6 years and it really messed with my head when my mind was running at 100MPH. O_o

I also happened to catch a cold/flu like symptoms that same night and yesterday awoke with my body aching and the biggest headache I have ever had. So I was in bed for most the morning but I couldn't really sleep because I had no relief from the aching in my bones especially my legs. I spent the whole day yesterday being miserable and refusing to take anything but just vape here and there. My partner was thoughtful enough to make me a ginger tea and some chicken noodle soup.

I feel a lot better today, so it's time to do some more vaping!

In the evening/night...
After doing mommy duties ya'll know it's time for some more medication! And playing video peace. lol

By the end of calling it a night, I came to the thoughts of why I began to interact and post here. I had wanted to make a change in my life to do things I wanted to do without fear, to have the freedom to post(as much as I can of course) about using Cannabis as my medicine. I was trying to stay positive in the midst of all that I was calling chaos and disappointment in life. I was opening a new chapter in my life but as always I have let depression and with it my lack of motivation/fear/procrastination holding me back. I know I tell myself to stop being a little b#*@% and stop being depressed and continue to be positive and STRIVE for the things I want to do in this life. And I hope me writing about this can shed light onto mental health and just how cannabis can help.
Good night to you all. I am going to have some more ginger tea with powder cinnamon and turmeric for my cold. I am not 100% yet but am already feeling 10x better than yesterday(I also have only taken one Tylenol Cold/flu capsule-keeping the pharmaceuticals at a minimum). :) And then more gaming before bed even though I haven't had too much concentration today. lol

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Asasai!! Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable! I can totally relate! You posted were missed by me so don’t give up!

When you are a thinker, emphatic, and slightly unstable (🙋🏻‍♀️) the smallest things can start a ripple effect and nothing seems real. Everything seems pointless. I keep posting on here and recently even insta, combined with whatever YouTube thing is happening and it’s bizarre but that it’s helped me get a better understanding of myself. I’ve learned so much and am becoming more aware of global perspectives. There have been personal growing pains for sure! So far it’s worth it despite moments or days when I doubted.

A little music therapy for ya 😊


:) I feel happy to hear that. Thanks for sticking with me. :,)

That almost sounded like you were describing me. lol I can get mentally unstable with my emotions and thoughts. :/
You described it perfectly. Everything seems pointless for a good while...

That's great that you feel it helps to post! I want to keep posting and keep finding out stuff about myself because like you said it does help in some ways to help understand yourself.
And thanks! I need to listen more to the lyrics of the song. But interesting for sure. :)