Let's say your Old Lady (or possibly your Old Man ) doesn't get the idea of privacy and is looking at your phone, including your texts. Well, first of all, you might want to invest in a phone protected by a password. If that ship has sailed, you might want to use a little code when texting with your fellow stoners about weed.
Yeah, The Emoji Movie blew whales but emojis aren't going anywhere!
Here are the top ten emojis you can use.
It started out as slang for marijuana on the West Coast, but it's gradually picking up in popularity across the US. Pine or deciduous will do, but a palm tree looks more like a pot leaf. Disguise it further by adding a quote from Dear Evan Hansen. "I'm sending pictures of the most amazing trees!" Maybe Evan and Connor had something in common after all. They both liked trees!
Get an emoji of a cooking pot, a witch's cauldron, a flower pot, a ceramic pot, a pot of honey (Especially good for Dab enthusiasts) or a crock pot. A toilet bowl is a little crude but it works. A pot of gold at the end of a rainbow can celebrate your feelings about the green gold. If you want to be really cryptic, get an emoji of a top (the kind that spins) and follow with an arrow pointing left. Not only can you not go wrong with a pun, but there's a connection to the munchies you get after blazing it up with your buds.
Nice segue! A cute little rose bud looks harmlessly friendly bordering on romantic. To make sure there's no confusion, yet keep things just muddy enough for those not in the know, pair it with an emoji of a hand doing the "OK" sign. Your square as cornbread mom will think it means "We're best buds and that's OK!" (At worst, she might think you and your smoking pal are more than pals.) Your homey will know what it means.
Is it a cloud or is it smoke? Only the texter knows for sure. Combine it with a pair of lips or a smile emoji doing a kissy face for effect. At worst, those who are tragically midtown might think you're vaping or even smoking weak sauce tobacco cigarettes. If your smoking buddies are into gaming, you can use an image of the hero from Final Fantasy VII to further "cloud" the issue. And now that we've talked about smoke, we can talk about….
Where there's smoke, there's fire! A good way to let your peeps know it's time to blaze is to put in a little fire emoji. The unsuspecting might think you're just excited or perhaps angry. For a little fun, you can quote a song by Sean Paul. "Everyday we be burnin' not concernin' what nobody wanna say!" Pair it with emojis of trees and those who aren't in the know might think you're talking about a forest fire.
🕴 Man Hovering
Many cartoon characters have been associated with Mary Jane, and I don't mean Spider-Man's girlfriend! Towlie from South Park is the most obvious as are Scooby and Shaggy. Tree Hugger from MLP:FIM is a good choice. Winnie the Pooh always has the munchies, and there's the pun on "pot" if he's shown with his pot of "hunny". Dopey the dwarf is also a good choice as is Patrick Star. Maybe you could get a GIF of Popeye eating spinach. I'm not sure who or what this emoji is really meant to indicate but to me his clearly flying high.
And here's the easiest emoji you could possibly use, the humble leaf. The marijuana leaf is a little too obvious a choice. The maple leaf looks close enough to the pot leaf and celebrates the legalization in Canada. "With glowing hearts we see thee rise" indeed! Add some green leaves or leaves blowing around to illustrate what you mean.
Wanna start a fight on the internet? Ask if pineapple belongs on a pizza! If your buddies argue about it in real life, pass some bud around until they chill and decide to try some pineapple on pizza. The green shock of leaves looks close enough to a pot leaf. There's also the association with the stoner flick Pineapple Express and the pineapple strain named for its fruity, sweet smell. Just like Fraulein Schneider from Cabaret, it couldn't please you more!
🥦 Any Green Leafy Vegetable
What's the difference between green vegetables and boogers? Little kids won't eat green vegetables! Finally, you found something green that you like! Won't your parents be proud? A sprig of broccoli looks much like a tree. Combine a head of cabbage (or lettuce) with the flag of Jamaica or Cuba or a steel drum to show that you're all about the Caribbean cabbage. Is it Brussels sprouts or is it some of that hash? You know the truth.
🤪 Smiley Face With Tongue Hanging Out
Everyone's made this face at least once while getting high! You know that face. It's the one Not Ghostface makes in the first Scary Movie after the would-be victims invite him to get high with them. Pair this face with "Whazaaaaaap?" That gag might be a little dated now, but getting baked never will.
You might have to get a little creative and more than a little clever to text about marijuana without really texting about marijuana.
Just remember, the police do legally need a court order if they want to search your phone. This is an edict from the Supreme Court, so it does not vary by state. However, getting that court order can be as simple as asking the judge nicely.
If you're worried about the popo finding something incriminating in your texts, you might have to make it so your texts could be seen as too dubious to be held as evidence against you.
If circumstances beyond your control mean you have to live with nosy parents a clever rebus, slang and references to movies they probably haven't seen might help.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't care for your pot habit and checks your phone regularly, then it's time to make a choice. Do you keep on smoking weed or do you put up with an uptight busybody with no respect for your privacy?
You know what the right thing to do here is.